It's Thursday again. That means it's time to roll the old Mini Stock out of the garage, wipe the dust off and shake down the setup with a spin around the dirt track at the end of the street. With that, here's the latest list of notes collected in a dog-eared notebook over the last few weeks...

* SAGGING ATTENDANCE? Check.

Low car counts? Check.

Purses out of control? Check.

So, you're a promoter at a short track in Maine, and you've got some problems, huh? Well, read on, Bingo, because I'm about to make all your problems disappear.

If you want to turn your short-track around, pack the stands with fannies and put the facility in the black, all you've got to do is put on a fireworks display.

Every week.

Over. And over. And over.

Despite the fact that the weathermen around the state urged us to lock all the little ones in the basement, as if some Dorothy-and-Toto-on-steroids storm was about to hit the area at exactly the precise moment the cars were pulling onto the track at Oxford Plains Speedway last Thursday night, fans were out in droves for the facility's fireworks display.

I told track owner Bill Ryan if he really wanted to save his track, he could simply abort all racing and just have fireworks every week.

"Maybe you and I could just go run around in circles every week," Ryan said. "Then we'll have the fireworks."

Exactly.

How do I know this will work? Because before the 50-lap Late Model feature, the main event of the evening, had the chance to roll onto the track for driver introductions, the mass exodus to the parking lots had already begun. Instead of fans clamoring to get back to their seats in time for the "action," they were clamoring to get out -- into the bumper-to-bumper traffic jam that was already lined up on Route 26 in front of the speedway.

For the five grand that track promoters pay to have the fireworks display, they probably profit double that from grandstand ticket sales. It's only fair to point out that there will very likely be only 1 crowd all year at Oxford that's bigger than the one on Thursday -- for the TD Banknorth 250 in just over a week's time.

So, I ask again, why race? And it offends my sensibilities that "fans" would come to a race track and leave before the main event even starts.

Oxford certainly wasn't alone. The same happened at Beech Ridge on Wednesday night -- when people went to the track without ever going in and watching a single lap of racing, instead opting to park in the parking lots and simply watch the fireworks before going home.

So, I ask again -- why even bother with holding races when you can make all your money on a fireworks display?

* SELF-SERVING NOTE of the week: We're all grown up here at Green-White-Checker now.

The full-blown GWC Web site is launching today -- www.greenwhitechecker.info, with its new slogan: "unbiased motorsports coverage. period." The blog will become a lot less crowded, and you'll find more feature stories on the new site, plus a section devoted entirely to NASCAR coverage.

Visit often. Tell your friends.

* PAGING MR. LOGANO. Mr. Logano, you have a phone call at the front desk.

Yeah, it's, umm, J.D. Gibbs. He's got the folks from Home Depot on hold. You in?

* MEMO TO DALE ARNOLD: Don't talk about wins in the past tense while the game is going on.

Look, I know Arnold is a Maine native and a hockey guy by trade, and that he's just working as the 2nd guy in the booth for Red Sox radio broadcasts when Dave O'Brien has ESPN commitments -- but at least act like you know.

Sox were up 18-5 in the 9th inning against the Twins on Wednesday afternoon, and, yes, it's all but in the bag. But don't jinx the chance to pick up a much-needed game in the standings by talking about a win before it's official.

I mean, have you seen the Sox bullpen the last week and a half?

* YOU KNOW IT'S a slow news week, Bingo, when the 50th anniversary of Richard Petty's first NASCAR start qualifies as a "big" story.

* PRETTY AMAZING DIFFERENCE the new marketing/promotions position at Speedway 95 is making, huh?

What? You mean....? What's that? Haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary?

Weird.

* 10 DAYS UNTIL the next installment of the TD Banknorth 250. Can you believe it?

Word is The Godfather will be on hand. I wonder if my job is in jeopardy.